kan inte sluta skratta till shit my dad says på twitter. Alltid lika kul varje gång!

"Don’t focus on the one guy who hates you. You don’t go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog shit."

"He's nice now but he WAS an asshole. Just 'cause a piece of shit dries up and stops smelling, doesn't mean it's not still a piece of shit."

"You came out of your mom looking like shit. She thought you were beautiful. Don't know what scared me most, your looks or her judgment."

“You seen my cell phone?...What’s it look like? Like two horses fucking. It’s a phone, son. It looks like a phone."

"STOP apologizing. You're sorry, he gets it, Jesus. You spilled a glass of wine, not fucked his wife."